Hello internet! Nothing's really changed with me but I'd thought I'd just update this site to make sure it's not entirely dead (did this sentence make sense? Nope? I thought so!) Anyhow, I still haven't got a job yet and I am beginning to feel the vestiges of uselessness creep up upon me. Or it could just be plain conscience... but either way spending some days just moping around the house is beginning to take its toll. Isn't it funny how the prospect of doing NOTHING seems much more alluring when you actually have SOMETHING to do? Like procrastination and playing mindless Steam (humble indie bundle) games seem much more appealing when you're in the middle of say, A'levels. Scumbag brain. But I'm probably not going to get a job. Now, before you rain your fists of judgment upon me for mooching off my parents for another couple of months, let me just explain my rationale:

1. I'd be working for the rest of my life. I probably won't get another long break like this to do absolutely anything I want, unless I get cruelly thrown out onto the pavement in the midst of unemployment.
2. Friends leaving soon- trying to catch up with them before they fly off to another country 12 time zones away and go for university. ):
3. YOLO, AMIRITE. 

Nope. In case you all haven't seen it you definitely should check out the Lonely Island's collab with Adam Levine (of Maroon 5 fame) for a pretty awesome interpretation of that infernal acronym. :D Speaking of 2. I am honestly pretty sad that tons of my lovely and most wonderful friends will be leaving for the States and the United Kingdom in a couple of months for university. It's not like I'm not happy for them- I do know that plenty of these awesome individuals are pursuing things they've wanted to do for a really long time, and have no doubt whatsoever that they will be good at it. But it's the crumbling and dissolving of these close circles of friends that I've gotten so used to- Whatsapping and hanging out; that makes me really depressed. I'm a sad whale. To be quite honest, I've never really had something of a "clique"- a regular group of friends I hung out with outside of school and in school, so the Windy Benches is pretty much my first. As a result, I've never really had problems with transitions- having a best friend and being pretty fluid with the various cliques in my class didn't make me feel out of my depth or wholly unfamiliar when we moved up to Junior College or graduated from even that. But right now... it's different. For the first time ever I'm beginning to understand why people hate change so much, and why we dread Graduation.

Change is inevitable. We have to grow up- there's no Neverland where we can remain the same people in the same clusters forever. This mostly makes me feel like tearing my heart out, nowadays, because I have grown quite attached to my friends. It's like post-production. I sort of just sat there, the morning after we awoke at the celebratory sleepover, watching the light flood in through the grilled window, wondering what the heck am I going to do with my life now? Obviously, I've been coping, but some days are harder than others. Even then, at least we were all still in the same country!

I'm not afraid, though. Experience has pretty much thought me that no matter how awkward I am in a new environment (namely a new school), things will work out eventually. It's just the idea of losing what I have now that really bothers me. In this way, Life is a pretty good teacher. It perpetually reminds you that all good things will eventually conclude and resolve themselves, which makes you have to savour the present, for it will not always be. It also teaches you to reconcile the idea of Loss and Flux, for you would be left behind otherwise. Throughout the last almost 19 years of my life I've begun to learn that Shit Happens. It's Murphy's Law- no matter how hard you try and avoid it, it will find you. All the time. But you must still try, it is difficult to live otherwise.

I will miss my lovely friends when they go overseas, but I will look fondly upon their return. University's an entirely new playing field, with many more different people. I'm looking forward to it, though, because I do enjoy a good adventure.

Note: The title of this post is from The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy, from their new album Save Rock & Roll. It's really good/badass, remember to check it out!